Why Parents Should Be the Role Model Their Kid Looks To
Kids naturally look up to the adults in
their lives. It’s a large part of how they learn and grow. So even if you don’t
intend on being a role model or model parent, you’re setting an example.
If you want to raise well-adjusted kids,
let that example be a good one.
Here are some areas where your behavior is
important:
Showing compassion
You may have encountered some adults who
seem to lack compassion. This is probably because they weren’t shown a great
deal of empathy when they were in their formative years.
While some households are run like
dictatorships, this doesn’t help your child to learn compassion. To teach your
child compassion, talk about how you may change your behavior based on someone’s
feelings. So-and-so is sad, so I’m going to give him a hug. Or, this person is
angry, so I’m going to give her some space.
Your child should learn to think of others
in most situations before they act on their own thoughts and feelings.
Eating and drinking well
If you’re telling your child to eat
broccoli while you’re noshing on a donut for dinner, you’re sending mixed
signals. Kudos to you for serving up the broccoli, but if you want to be a good
role model, you actually have to eat it too.
When you don’t practice what you preach,
you’re sending the message that your rules aren’t that important. Your kids may
suck it up and eat broccoli for a while, but soon they’ll be downing donuts for
dinner just like their role models.
The same holds true for your relationship
with alcohol. If you’re telling your kids not to drink, but you’re having a
beer or two every night, you’re sending a mixed message.
And if your kids are already experimenting
with alcohol, it’s not too late to turn things around. Young
people in recovery have a great chance of turning their lives around. Be
the role model they need to get through the transition.
Communication
Communication is one of the most difficult
and most important skills we have to master. Most adults aren’t great
communicators, but we expect
our children to be masters.
If you want to set a good example, identify
your communication weaknesses (we all have them) and work on them.
In addition to working on yourself, let
your children know that you’re a work in progress. To be good role models, we
don’t have to be perfect. In fact, your children will be much better off if
they view you as the flawed human you are. They will still look up to you, but
their beliefs won’t be shattered when they become adults and realize that
you’re not always right.
Talk to your kids about how to communicate
effectively. Teach them the same techniques you’re learning, so they can start
practicing them now. Everything in life is easier when you can properly
communicate your wants and needs.
Processing anger and sadness
Toddler tantrums teach us that our kids
need guidance to control their emotions. They aren’t born with these skills, so
they’re going to look to you to find out what to do when they’re angry.
If you have a habit of throwing things,
they’ll do it too. If you’re calm and handle your anger in a healthy way,
they’ll eventually get there. It can take a lifetime to learn how to
effectively manage these difficult emotions, so don’t lose patience. Even if it
seems like you’re getting nowhere, your kids are picking up on your cues.
Handling anxiety
Anxiety is a major issue in our society,
and it can be crippling to a person’s social life.
If you’re someone who suffers from panic
attacks or regularly lets stress get the better of you, it’s time to find a
solution. You probably don’t want this life for your kids, so show them what
it’s like to effectively manage stress. Experiment with various healthy
outlets for stress, including things like meditation, yoga and any type of
exercise. Eating more fruits and vegetables may also help.
You don’t necessarily have to follow
anyone’s rules to be a good role model. Just act in a way that you want to see
your child act, and you’ll be just fine.