Why Erectile Dysfunction Is Not Just A Man's Problem
Erectile dysfunction. It’s a topic that no
man wants to talk about. But the reality is that for lots of couples, it is a
condition that affects many aspects of a relationship. This article explores
some of the common myths and truths surrounding erectile problems and addresses
one glaring omission in much of the literature: it’s not just a man’s problem.
Erectile
problems: What do they involve?
We’ve all been there. Under the duvet, low
lighting, soft music. It’s all happening. Then, nothing.
For both men and women, this is often felt as
a loss of arousal. Both sexes have erectile tissue in their biology. For
females, this includes the clitoris and tissue in their vagina. It is subtle
and discrete, but every woman knows the feeling of being hyper sensitive when
aroused.
For males, the result is much more obvious.
Male arousal is seen in the form of an erection, which hardens and lengthens
the penis.
If a woman loses her steam, it makes little
difference to sex. For a man, the results are dramatic. If brain and penis fail
to connect, sex is a challenge. This is known as erectile
dysfunction.
So,
what does it mean?
The good news is that when a man cannot
sustain an erection, it is not normally a medical problem.
The bad news is that it’s not the partner’s
fault. Erectile problems are normally due to stress, anxiety, or tiredness. All
of these things are normal parts of daily life, which is why 22%
of 40-year-olds have experienced the problem, and 49% of
70-year-olds live with the condition routinely.
Indeed, medicine tells us that the old myth
that men are always happy to drop their clothes and leap between the sheets is
just that: a myth.
The truth is that a complex system of stress
and reproductive hormones pull the strings. If hormones are out of whack, no
amount of delicious lingerie will make a difference.
Where
do I stand in all of this?
Sex is integral to many relationships, but
not as integral as many people think. Around 2% of marriages
are thought to be sexless. For Europe, this equates to more than 14 million
people.
Studies also suggest that sex is surprisingly
rare. During the average lifespan, we have sex only 5,778
times, which accounts for 0.45% of our time.
So, if you’re struggling between the sheets,
you are not alone.
How
can erectile problems affect me?
For women, the problems are not particularly
different from the men. If a man can’t perform, the first response is often one
of anxiety. For the man, this might be the root cause of the problem. For the
woman, it’s an inherited outcome.
Women start to believe that they are not
attractive or desirable and are not capable of arousing their partner. Lowered
self-esteem can be challenging for a woman and can increase the anxiety that a
man feels.
Self-blame can be damaging and toxic in a
relationship. This is why reading up on the medical reasons for erectile
problems can be helpful.
But
what if I really am not attractive anymore?
Some women make the assumption that their
partner’s failure to perform is because he has been cheating.
Evidence suggests that this is the opposite
of the truth. Cheating partners often make surprisingly good lovers, because
they are eager to perform.
If your guy has a low libido, they’re most
likely to keep it as quiet as possible. This is when they need the most
support.
So,
what to do?
As we’ve already seen, erectile functions –
whether male or female – tend to be due to conditions such as anxiety.
These can be treated with medication, and
magic pills such as Viagra do exist and are readily available. However, it’s
worthwhile having a thorough look at the situation.
If your partner has suffered a bereavement,
trouble at work, or financial stress, it’s entirely possible that he simply
needs a few cuddles and to be made to feel safe for a while. After all, this
can be an unforgiving world, whatever your gender.
If the problem is on-going, it could be
health related, and dragging your other-half to a GP may be the best solution.
Either way, you are a small part of a much
bigger picture. Erectile dysfunction may be a problem because it deprives you
of sex, but your part in the narrative is much more important.
Understanding why your partner is struggling
is the key to understanding that erectile problems are more than just his
problem, it’s your problem. He needs you. Go and care for him, and together you
can once again disappear blissfully beneath the sheets.